Questioning my ability as a mom

Today went really poorly and all of those gut issues I've had with Ben 10 came to a head today. It's gone. Cartoon Network is gone. Ben 10 is gone. I'm sad that the deep pit of my stomach told me that he should have never watched the show in the first place. I should have never encouraged or allowed it to continue.

The big issue: Cam is so grown up on some levels, but so immature on others. I realize no one can know how role play and games can affect a child, but Cameron can take it too far. He took it too far today. And I blame myself.

I feel pretty rotten right now.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cam enjoyed a delicious meal for Thanksgiving with his Uncle Jon and his boyfriend Erik. We're lucky to have enjoyed a yummy meal thanks to Erik's expert cooking skills. Even Cam enjoyed the turkey and Daddy's dressing.

Cam's been really good during his time off from school. He's reading up a storm and playing every single video game on the Cartoon Network's website. I'm not a gamer type (Until we get our Wii up and running after Christmas) so I think it's amazing to see all of the games Cam has figured out how to play without ever asking for help. He has an interesting mind.

Updates on the boy

Okay -- First a few little comments Cam said in the last week that I have to remember forever:

1) Jordan finally started saying Cameron's name. When she said it, Cam announced: "She said my name in her REAL voice!" I guess you had to be there but apparently Jordan's real voice is only when she uses understandable words.

2) I was walking down the street with Cam last Friday when he had the day off from school and got to follow me around at work and on campus all day. He was incredible, patient and so grown up. So I asked him when he got so big. He immediately responded: "Because I can read." And it makes sense. The world opened up to him in an instant when words made sense to him. He can surf the web (yikes), he can read signs and books and notes and shirts and whatever he finds. I told him that math can do the same when numbers and information start working together. (I'm trying to make sure he gives math as much love and attention as he does words... JUST to see if we can lead him to a more lucrative career as compared to journalism)

Other updates -- Cam is growing so dang fast it makes my head spin. He still has emotional outbursts at home and at school... But he's learning and dealing more often. He's also MADLY in love with drawing and writing and learning. He's asking SO many hypothetical questions these days: "What would happen if kids didn't have parents?" (He decided that kids wouldn't have money and then I asked him if that was all I was to him: a source of money. He said yes.) "What would happen if there wasn't a world?" (I told him nothing would exist and everything would be black) "Why do people die?" (That was a toughie) I could go on and on. He isn't being annoying with the questions, he really just wants to talk about the things that are rolling through his mind. It's really amazing.

Another thing: Cam's really into Ben 10. It's a cartoon on Cartoon Network. I'm not a fan of the network, but I've let him watch things on cartoonnetwork.com and now he's a HUGE Ben 10 fan. Ben is a kid who finds a wrist-watch-type-thing that is now permanently attached to Ben's arm and it lets Ben turn into ten different aliens. It's like every boy's dream show. It's an animated show, it's too violent for my liking and I can't figure out a way to help Cam "quit" the show. Kids are going to pretend and run around and "fight" things... There aren't any guns, but some of these aliens can throw fire or heavy things and hurt "the bad guys." I guess I'm just kind of torn between letting Cam enjoy boy stuff and pretend things and keeping him away from any ideas of violence. And I say this as a mother of a boy who is in Tae Kwon Do where they use weapons. I guess it's all a moot point.

Santa Visit

Cam and Jordan visited Santa on the first day he was in town. Why you ask? I'm crazy and I just like getting it over with. The local mall had a fund raiser for Habitat for Humanity to have "breakfast with Santa." They had crummy food options but the carousel was free so we went on that a bunch of times. We saw friends, we smiled and giggled a bit and then I made the kids get in line for Santa before Santa even got there. Yes. We were the first ones in line because I just wanted to make sure we got it done before both kids lost patience. Is that bad? Unfortunately, Jordan doesn't like Santa so I had to sit with them. But hey - Cam got to pitch hit top toy picks of the year: A Ben 10 watch (it's not really a watch, I can't even explain to you what it is) and the Power Rangers Mega Mission Helmet. Big deal stuff.

We're funny

So... I'm trying really hard to make sure I make time for the boy. When he and I got silly tonight, we pulled out the computer and made funny faces again into Photobooth. It's great for giggles.

Fall, glorious Fall.

Today was gorgeous. So I grabbed the kids and headed out for a hike. Cam is a fantastic hiker... Except when he forgets to watch his feet. Not long into today's hike, he starts running, trips on a rock and falls flat on his face. No injuries, but a great reminder that you have to watch your feet. He was great the rest of the time and actually quickly recovered from his fall. We admired the trees that are past the peak color so we admired the leaf covered hills, we admired a piece of bark that became his sword for the rest of the trip, we had fun taking pictures (yes, that's my official Fall pic of the kids for this year), Cam bravely climbed across a huge tree trunk a couple of times, we checked out a cave and Cam was BEGGING to go deeper into it (but I couldn't since the baby was on my back in the backpack and I didn't want to bang her head on the cave ceiling)... It was just a great time.

As we drove home, I asked the kids if they had fun and they both yelled: "YEAH!" Then Cam said: "Thanks for taking me out on the hike!" He said the same thing as I closed the door after putting him to bed. So dang sweet.

When we got home, the kids and I had a leaf fight. We chased each other with leaves and giggled a lot. Jordan kind of chased around with us. It was great.

These are the kind of days I live for as a Mommy.

Official Kindergarten Picture

I paid the extra 15 dollars to get Cam's Kindergarten picture on a CD -- so here it is. His official picture proving that smiles on demand are just a little too much for some 5 year olds.